Breaking Through Our Own Ever Present Sound Barrier

The Intervals of Silence that Lead to Healing a Grief Hangover

Hello, my dearest reader,👋🏼

How are you doing today?

Do we need a moment?

What is one thing you are glad to let go of and release in this moment?

What is it that you are contemplating?

In what ways are you feeling off or out of sync?

How do you want to feel instead?

Speak it outloud. Take a big deep breath, and blow it all out.

Take this moment for yourself right now.

(Photo by me. Coffee Creek Watershed-local park)

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I love the privilege of writing to you through this newsletter, my friend. It has allowed my heart to begin to heal in ways I cannot even express to you. Engaging in community helps us all. Through the Substack platform, I have found genuine connections and friendships that have helped me to continue to heal and grow! We see each other’s joys and also our grief. It’s quickly become a space of sacred renewal for me. Thank you so much for being here!! It’s been very exciting to watch my subscriber list grow! I have an exciting announcement to tell you all about before we part ways today, so stay tuned!

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My older brother’s birthday recently passed by. He’s been gone now about five and a half years. He would have been fifty-one years old. Marking it honors the fact that he existed here on this Earth and beyond. He is still around in different ways. He sends me signs all the time. Five is a special number for him, hence his birthday being the 5th of March. So, I tend to see a lot of angel numbers with the numeral five, repeated. I gladly receive whatever he sends. Even if it is just my brain’s reticular brain function. I appreciate these little winks from beyond. It gives me the same warm, cozy feeling that I feel being in community with others. I’m apart of something bigger. I belong here. I matter to this world. My brother is safe and okay. I feel safe and not quite as alone.

Processing grief can really creep up when we least expect it. It definitely carries me off, sometimes, and, of course, at the least optimum moment.

Multiple times, lately, I found myself, letting go and sitting in the silence, early in the morning, mid-afternoon or just at random throughout my day. Just listening. No media, no information consumption. What I notice are the cacophony of home and nature sounds. Ticking, tones, caws, tweets, whooshes and rustles. Meows, barks and the occasional zoomie from my animals at home, in the house. All of these subtle vibes soothe me, reminding me of life’s under current. Healing is happening all the time. Stripping away the things that are just noise and consuming what’s naturally occurring around me, has helped in my own grief processing journey. Distraction has its place, sometimes. But, the emotions will always make their way up to the top, at some point. I choose to give them space to percolate and release often.

Writing poetry has been one of my most favorite channels for my grief. The following piece has been a work in progress for a few years now. My brother loved practicing guitar. He was self-taught. I remember getting extremely irritated at times at his redundancy. Now I miss him playing.

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Life has been being lived quite fully for my family, over these recent weeks. The melodic sounds of Springtime have brought us comfort in a brand new way, this year. My eldest has been chugging away with his studies, tutoring and being back in actual school for a few hours a day, again! I know! Whoot!Whoo! 🎉 It’s so great. We also just signed our daughter up for orchestra! She’ll be playing the viola. She’s ecstatic!! And my youngest has been soaking in the freedom to drop his backpack at the door, right after school, and play outside until the streetlights come on, most nights! I’m in awe that we get to have back all the precious family life things, again. We’ve realized the gift of time is a very precious resource. As we are definitely enjoying the experience of pure living, from the mundane quiet Friday nights to our hectic school mornings, there is still some duality. I guess you could say, we’ve have been feeling something like a ‘grief hangover’. Living in a bit of shock still, wide eyed and slightly unsettled. Still searching for ways to calm, center and soothe. We are definitely a work in progress.

(Photo by me. First Daffodil in the garden. Spring 2024)

I’m continually fascinated by how sound, or the lack there of, have been an amazing tool for healing before and throughout our son’s cancer journey. Whether I’m sitting in the quiet, hearing natural surroundings, praying, breathing deep whisper breaths, or feeling the hum of prayer songs spoken over and over, I always feel better for having surrendered for few moments. I think our emotions become aroused and wake up in a brand new, more understood way. Noticing the richness in these seemingly, small completely underestimated, subtle small, sweet sounds have made a deep impact on our family world. Silencing the static has allowed me, singularly, to hear the whispers of my own heart much more clearly. Thus, being more confident and mindful as a wife, daughter, mom, caregiver, friend, writer and consumer.

How ingenuitive for us to be able to create sound by way of instruments or by using our own voices. Just as the silent pauses have ushered in healing, so has the vibrational tones that have seeped into the cellular crevices so deeply, I’m unaware of the impact. I believe following our own rhythm, in whatever ways feel good to us, help increase personal wholeness. What does rhythm feel like to you? What is the key to your daily, weekly, monthly rhythm formulas?

(Photo by me. Johnny Appleseed Festival, Fort Wayne, IN)

When we hear a song or rhythm we’ve never heard before hope is ignited in our souls, our energy is renewed! Listening to spoken word poetry, worship music, our favorite band, or taking a sound bath can help reset our inner workings down to a cellular level. Even my Bhakti mentors, recently spoke about the difference between just saying the holy name of Krishna, and feeling the vibration of it enter within. My mom taught me the simplest prayer when my son was at his worst. When I could hardly think. “Jesus Jonah. Jesus Jonah.” (My son’s name is Jonah) Such simple sounds washing massive calm head to toe! Truly feeling these vibrational tones not just on the lips, but feeling what they are and letting it permeate deeply into our hearts, brings us back to ourselves. How do you feel when you hear your favorite song randomly play on the radio? Just wanna crank it and jam? It is innate and even primal, within us, to seek healing through this sense. Tones and vibrations lead us back to our inner selves. And we all have the ability to come back to this very simple way. Even during, what we think are, times of utter silence.

The quiet in your day may just have more things to say to you than you realize.

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So of course, I crafted a playlist on Insight Timer for your enjoyment.✨Love you!✨ Happy healing!✨

And also one on Spotify✌🏼✨

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In the spirit of creating more community, and more conversation, here at Mantras and Coffee. I’m going to try a little experiment.

I’m inviting all of you to the COFFEE HOUSE!!

I’ve been deep into Substack learning lately. So, bear with me. It’s ok to learn together, right? I just thought, hey, let’s get to know each other better!! I would love to hear what moves you, what are you creating? what is inspiring you? what are the things soothing your soul? what is your creative process?! And of course what’s your favorite mantra?! We can support one another!💛✨

So starting Monday, April 1st you will receive a special Coffee House Invitation and the thread will be open to share and network with one another the entire month. (Working in the Substack app seems to be best. So don’t forget to download it!) My plan is to open a new thread every first Monday of a new month. This will be fun! Hope to see you there!

In parting, I’d love to know what your favorite part of this day has been?

Please do share!

Wishing you a sweet and slow kinda of weekend, dear friend!