Love Always, Leo

A letter of love, under this full February moon

Dearest Reader,

The following short story is just another reason why this practice, that I will soon share with you, serves me so well.

So, a few weeks ago I decided to get out of the house and take an afternoon to do a little self-care. I woke up and decided that day, it was time to get a haircut. It had been about three years. (I know, a lil crazy.) But, when you get used to a certain way. Eh. And I had sort of gotten used to pandemic era haircuts, i.e. my husband just giving me a straight across trim of my long locks. Well, it was time to upgrade and get back to going to a salon.

It was glorious! I love my new hair girl, Kortney. She owns her own salon in Valparaiso, IN. She is a boss at running her own business her way, the way she wants. She specializes in coloring hair.

Shout out Kortney! www.medusastudio1250.com

After my haircut, I wanted to take myself out for a coffee and a sammie at a local spot. Maybe do a little writing, too. I decided to park a little further away so I could get a short walk in for exercise. It was a little rainy, a bit blustery. Felt very January-eee. It had been unseasonably warm, except for that day. I rang my husband as I walked, to let him know where I was and what I wanted to do that afternoon. As I stood outside the cafe, chatting to my husband, a gentleman asked me for a dollar so he could get a coffee. So, I offered to buy him a sandwich to go with his coffee. His light eyes and dimpled smile immediately reminded me of my late brother, Mike. We ordered and when the girl taking our order asked, “for here or to-go,” he answered, “for here.” I said, well, ok, then.

Mind you, the cafe was very busy, and we sat down, in close proximity to other people. So, I did feel safe.

So, we sat down for a bit. “I’m Joey.” He said. I smiled, and introduced myself, as well. “I’m Mary.” And he shook my hand. He explained how he was down on his luck.

He told me about his life and how he was trying to find a job. How he was tired of living with his brother and his rules. He said, “he preferred to live alone.” He told me about his divorce a few years ago and how recently he had lost his girlfriend to alcoholism. I just sat there and listened. I did my best to offer him some comfort. Some validation for his trauma. He was very polite, reminding me of my late brother. I told him about my son and his current battle with cancer.

(Side note: My older brother, Mike, also struggled with alcoholism and he also came to stay at my house for a while as he worked to get back on his feet. We lost him in 2018. He was 45 years old)

Anyway, Joey, kept saying, “I want to pay you back.” I said, ok, I have something you can do… “just pay it forward?,” he said. Yes, I said, but also, just by being here, you are paying me back. You matter. But, also, there is something else… I told him to seek out his community and ask for help. I looked into his eyes, and said, asking for the help you need takes courage and it’s important because you’re important. It could be a helpful way to get the life you truly deserve. We chatted a bit more before he politely excused himself.

And this is where my practice comes in. I may have just bought him a coffee or said no to giving him a dollar and continued on about my way. And that would have been ok. But, it would have been such a missed opportunity for me to be able to practice compassion. Without fear, without anxiety in a calm, collected manner. It was healing to think about my brother. And to see Joey’s humanity.

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A haiku I wrote just after my lunch with Joey.

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By maintaining a consistent practice, no matter how small, may help in staying connected to your heart. When you love yourself, you create space to love and have tolerance for others.

My favorite way to practice, right now, is very simple. I just don’t have the energy for a practice with multiple, layered steps. I put my current mantra of choice on repeat and go into the bathroom and take a shower. Or sometimes I put in my ear buds and take my mantra for a walk. Somehow, it resets my central nervous system and I feel refreshed.

Om Mani Padme Hum

This mantra is said to encompass all the teachings of the Buddha, into one precise prayer.

It means pure compassion.

I have added this mantra to a playlist I previously made called Morning Mantras on Spotify. I have linked it on my Instagram Linktree. I have shared two versions. Prayer Wheel by MC Yogi and Compassion: Om Mani Padme Hum by Deva Premal and The Gyuto Monks of Tibet

https://instagram.com/the_paperbackmama

@the_paperbackmama on Instagram

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So, here we are now, tonight, I sit and write to you, dear reader, under the Leo Full Moon. It’s day seven, here in the hospital with my son, receiving his inpatient chemo treatment. Happy to report he is doing well. Just waiting for his lab numbers to reach the safe zone, to be able to be discharged.

In the meantime, I sit and I write. Not avoiding, not judging and allowing the darkness to have a “seat at the table,” but that’s it. As author, Mary Davis, explains in greater detail, in Everyday Spirit: A Daybook of Wisdom, Joy and Peace. Asking her, what she has to teach me? What is it I am meant to learn from this darkness?

What is it that I need?

What small act of kindness can I do for myself?

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Some other helpful questions you may want to ask yourself…as I have also pondered sitting here…

Who were you as a child? What things did you like to do? How can you love on that inner child?

Taking some quiet time to just listen. Remembering that light, that child-like, light is always there, within you. Even as you sit at the table with that darkness learning and listening.

Maybe try penning a love letter to yourself. Or taking yourself out for a solo meal. Buy yourself flowers or clear your schedule and do absolutely nothing. Do what would make you feel like yourself, unapologetically. Take your time, and you will see.

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Ok, now, switching gears, introducing a new segment…I’m calling…

Coffee Talk!

I decided it would be so fun to share all things coffee. Since I am calling this newsletter Coffee & Mantras. And my love for coffee is beyond words…it’s like a mantra. Anyway, any new coffee discoveries, favorite ways of enjoying our good ol’ cup of Joe and useful information highlighting coffee and the good people that produce and distribute it.

First discovery this month is called Poet Coffee.

(Sounds rather appropriate, right?)

It is brought to you by, poet and entrepreneur, Atticus. He acquires his beans from all women- run coffee farms. Roasted in eco-friendly roasting machines that emit zero emissions.

I just joined the membership and I am looking forward to trying it when it arrives!

I will be sure to share my experience with you!

poetcoffee.com

Coffee has been such a comfort while spending this week here in the hospital!

It’s given me permission to take a break and has helped fuel my creativity as well, sitting with my boy in our temporary house of gold, as I like to call it.

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In closing, I encourage you to just take some time to love on yourself. Sit and be still. Invite your darkness to come and just have a seat, and that’s it. Let it know its place. And that you and your light are in charge.

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Happenings:

My Etsy Shop: www. apostrophesoul.etsy.com

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Greeting Card Collection collaboration with

Beknown

www.beknowninc.com

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Hope Is A Group Project: A Poetry Anthology

(Poem included: Wings to Fly)

The Wee Sparrow Poetry Press

www.theweesparrowpoetrypress.com

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Gal’s Guide Anthology (coming March 25)

(Poem included: Mimicking Life)

Gal’s Guide Library

www.galsguide.org

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In parting, you know I love to ask…

What was your favorite part of the day? Feel free to share with me in the comments. Or not. Whatever you like. Just think about it and let yourself feel it for a few minutes.

Sending you so much love, on this full moon, kinda night.

With Grace & Gratitude,

Mary Beth