New Year, Not A New Me

Seek and you shall find...maybe

Dearest Reader,

So here we are! Starting another new year. I hope the season finds you well! Can we just take a moment…let’s just go ahead and take a collective deep breath. ————

Go on—-just pause. I’ll wait. It’s ok if you need to take a few more.

Doesn’t that feel better? How do you feel?

So very glad to be back here with you, dear reader! As we went through these holidays this year I did a lot of reflecting. I’ve sort of had a forced ‘quieting’ or a retreat-like (not the spa/vaca kind) experience. And I seem to still be in that space. You see my son needed to have a series of scheduled chemo treatments. So, we spent the five days before Christmas in the hospital. Subsequently, we happen to be back in the hospital for his next in the series. Writing this from his hospital room, on this Full Wolf Moon night, where both my husband and son are snoozing away, in the quiet. Hence, the austere feeling of a humble retreat dedicated to life-saving healing practices.

Finding our footing as we walk through this journey of healing for our son has been eye-opening. Releasing and letting go of control and expectations of self-performance has really been the true practice. Catching myself in overwhelm…coming back to remembering that I can just go slow. If I found myself seeking really hard…chasing whatever thing of the moment that I thought was going to bring me peace or ‘perfection,’ I just observed. And sometimes I proceeded with my seeking and sometimes I just reminded myself…’ hey, it’s ok…just go slow. What I was ultimately seeking was rest. And I guess I could say that has been the biggest gift throughout this journey, more awareness of myself. And catching those ‘seeking moments’ in myself and stopping to think more in-depth, asking the question… what do I really want?

Asking specific questions, starting with this one, has been important in creating my spiritual practice. Which then extends holding the thread to all my other ‘practices’ I live daily. My mom practice, my wife practice, writing practice, movement practice, friend practice, and human being practice. I could keep going, but you get it.

Who am I? Is another one…who am I? who am I? who…AM I?

Who is it that you are? Who is it inside that you want to sit and take that much-needed rest with?

Do you want more time to daydream? To spectate? Or do you want more focused time with family? Do you want to play? Do you want to quit? Do you want to stop fucking around and get serious? Do you want to create your own future? Do you want your chance?

A tool that has helped me is focusing on my own personal heart-space time. Committing to a several week practice. Usually about 40 days. A time frame each day, choosing a specific meditation, journaling, and then embodying my practice throughout my day. Choosing a mantra or word as a theme to help me focus on is very helpful. As my mind wanders, it’s a point of focus to gently come back to, without judgment. Then, as I progress into my day, usually at a certain point, overwhelm or other emotions come in, and want to hijack my peace. I repeat my word or mantra. I’m immediately reminded that I can go slow. Things are alright. I’m here. I’m grounded. I’m in the flow. I’m connected. I am love and I am loved. This gives me energy. But, a different kind of energy. A gentle knowing that I am part of something bigger. And I have a choice, always.

So, the focus for my current practice is an ancient sanskrit mantra Om (universal vibration) Moksha (liberation; emotional freedom) Ritam (pronounce ree-tum) (the rhythm of the universe)

Repeating it silently over and over helps me to connect to the stillness and silence that rests within the space between my thoughts and my words.

This reflects my overall theme for the year. Liberating my emotions from what I think I should be feeling and understanding what my needs actually are.

My word(s) for the year are SLOW HORSE. I can go as slow as I want and I can still be extremely strong.

Have you chosen a theme? or a word or words?

If you have let that be your resting place. Come back to it as you embody who you are.

Have fun and create a space where you can relax and just be in this rest. It can be simple. Nothing fancy. Here’s a photo of my very humble practice space over this past holiday season. Took this photo from my yoga mat.

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I created a playlist on Insight Timer to help your practice along if you like. Just search Winter Wanderlust https://insig.ht/dl0LS5tSnwb

I will also link it on my Instagram Linktree.

@the_paperbackmama

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Finally, I leave you with a very simple poem from my heart.

MY HOME, MY HOPE

My body houses

every ounce

of fluid hope

Not only

what is RESET

each night

As sure as

the moon rises

overhead

But,

the punch-drunk

HOPE

that FLOWS

from generations

past woven

So deeply

WITHIN

Continuously

Welcoming me

Loving me

Home

MB Kaplan

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In closing, I am wishing you the deepest, most steady feeling of peace as we traverse into this brand-new year. Always remember you can find solace in the home space you want to create. Because you are beautiful you. Always.

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Happenings:

Come visit my Etsy Shop! Apostrophe Soul

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Latest Releases:

Card collection collaboration with Beknown Inc. Greeting Card Company and Tellher Writing Community

Follow them on Instagram:

@beknowninc

@tellherco

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Hope Is A Group Project: a poetry anthology (all proceeds go to charity)

Poem published: Wings To Fly

Instagram: @theweesparrowpoetrypress

The Wee Sparrow Poetry Press Newsletter

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What was your

favorite part of today? Let me know! If you want, or not. Just think about it and let it marinate.

With Grace & Gratitude,

Mary Beth